ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is Oprah even human
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
