I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
