Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
