I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
