Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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