I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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