I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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