I CAN MOONWALK!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
