This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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