she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
