I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
