Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
