I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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