I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I looked at my own cervix.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
