so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ruined the universe
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
