first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
