Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
