shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize