went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize