I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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