I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
