Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
