butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
