Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
