Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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