Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
