Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.