rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
