Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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