a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
