My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
tell me about the fingering
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
