eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
