Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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