Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
