dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He shit in the fireplace
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
