His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
