So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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