**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize