There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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