Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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