yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your cock deserves a montage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
