my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
