All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
