All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
