your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
