i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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