actually, I'm a sock model
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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