I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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