I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
