I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
