Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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