The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
