somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
