i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The beers last night were like the tears from god
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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