how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
