My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
