Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
