just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
