Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
