Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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