Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
