I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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