We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you have to choose: penises or morals?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
