I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
