its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
