the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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