In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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