You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize