I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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