grandma shit on top of the toilet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
