when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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