i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
