Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize