then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she pinky promised me she was 18
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
