I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
