It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
