I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A+ Viking dick
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