Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
