erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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